Saturday, April 07, 2007

More Lumps in the Road?

So a few days ago, post period, and therefore breasts less tender (that was just an FYI, for those of you reading that don’t have a pair of your own and don’t know the patterns), I did one of my irresponsibly perfunctory breast self-exams.

Wait, I feel it coming on, here is my sermon: every woman should do a self-breast exam. Every single one of you, every month, whether you are done menstruating or not. If not, do the SBE the day after your period ends. If you are done, then pick one day of the month, something easy to remember like the day your birthday falls on, so in my case the 29th, and do it then. Ok, back to our original programming.

And what should I discover? Well, obviously something out of the ordinary, or I wouldn’t be writing about it here. Sigh. Yeah, so this weird little bump thing, probably about the size of an orange pip. Not really in my breast, sort of more on one of my ribs that accidentally got irradiated along with my breast 5 and a half years ago. Just over about an inch from the end of my breast (although really hard to say where a breast begins and ends on the sides, yes?). It is not hard and attached, more moveable with the tip of my finger, kind of sliding over my rib just a tiny bit. Not painful, but now that I have been paying attention to it sort of itchy and burning, off and on.

Funny thing was I didn’t have an ounce of fear. Not an adrenaline spike in sight. Nothing. I was just sort of annoyed, but nothing more dramatic (did I just say that? No drama. What has become of me? Clearly too much Al anon.) Now that said I haven’t done much going back in and checking it out again (you know, like you might with a wiggly tooth that you just can’t keep your tongue off of - I have no such perverse, obsessive impulse here), but today, after a shower and another eyes closed, breath held scan of the area I am feeling a bit edgy. What could it be? Is it just the lumpy scar tissue of the skin from the original surgery? Is it another fibrocystic scare like the one about a year after my diagnosis? Or is it a recurrence of breast cancer? Or the original cancer metastasized to the bone?

Oh, God the tricks the mind plays on us in the dark, cold hours when we have nothing else to occupy our neuro pathways. If only these thoughts were something that I didn’t care to worry like the wiggly tooth. But I have done all that I need to and can do, made an appointment with my GP for Tuesday, April 10th at 10:15 am (which I assume will be followed by an ultra sound and then maybe a trip to my med onc or surgeon – stay tuned), and called my friends and family to get them to start sending me good thoughts and prayers. So, having done the footwork, now we just wait. And try not to worry too much.


At 7:15 AM PDT, Blogger Alda said...

Thinking of you.

At 9:43 AM PDT, Anonymous deb said...

Sending good vibes your way my friend. xo

At 7:56 AM PDT, Blogger Signy said...

Thanks, and I am just hoping it is nothing. And I am also not touching it, since that is what sends me into the worse of the fear.


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