Creating community

Today we had a Team Signy meeting. A group of about half a dozen women got together at my house and prepared me for surgery. Being women, we also ate some good food, and being my friends, we also meditated, chanted, prayed, and shared. The miracle of it is that in about half an hour we had brainstormed all that needed to be done, before, day of and after, and assigned roles for different key tasks.

So a bit of history on Team Signy is in order. Almost five years ago, when I got diagnosed with cancer I immediately called my 8 or so closest friends. The women I could count on. The people that I loved. I invited them to come and meet with me, and support me in my journey. Not surprisingly, all of them came. People want to help. I have already blogged about this, but it is so true it deserves repeating. When I ask, I will repeat that because it is key to the process and the point, WHEN I ASK for help, I am flooded with yeses. Flooded with offers. Flooded with people wanting to know what I need. And when a team/circle/posse/party of people shares the load, the load is lightened, even for the person who is under the knife and mainlining the chemo.

These people saved my life. In all ways: they carried the weight of daily life when I couldn’t (food shopping, apartment cleaning, meal making, sponge bathing); they created and protected the safe space for me to grieve, get angry, feel sorry for myself, the whole range; they were my hope on the days I ran out; they were my source of strength; they were the clear voice when I needed to make decisions but was overwhelmed. They were my north, my south, my east, my west, my working clothes, my Sunday best. And that was just the home team. I was in Roman Catholic prayer circles, prayed for in sweat lodges, was on the Dalai Lama’s prayer list and had all the witches of Norway working magic for me. I got so many cards, all filling my clear and specific request that I wanted them to tell me what about me inspires them, what do I bring to the planet, why and how is the world a better place because I am here (I needed to know this, to help me keep fighting on the dark days. And yes, there were dark days.). I put those cards on the wall, by my bed, to help me to remember my magnificence. Everyone, near and far, was a part of my healing.

Bottom line, this is not the time to go it alone, to be brave, to practice being independent. This is the time to ask for help. I need to keep remembering that people get from giving. They get their own sense of hope, they get to contribute. I believe we all hunger to be a part of a bigger whole, a part of a community.

So how do we do it, this creating community? Invite people in, ask for help, be willing to receive, open yourself up to receive some more, set aside the lying feelings of shame or incompetence (my grandmother role modeled this in the most amazing way. As she got old, she didn’t hide away, embarrassed about how her body was less able to take commands then it used to be. She just kept showing up and doing her best, being as present as she could and letting us love her. Boy, do I love her!). Let the people in, let them love you. This one act will explode your world. And that is where healing starts.