Wednesday, February 01, 2006

So here we go again

Good Friends,

You have been patiently (some more than others) waiting for news. And so here it is. But recalling requests of the past, I want to give you options: a short and a long version. The essential details will appear in bold, the rest is just in case you are curious...

While I am not afraid that I am being once again chased by the dragon (the feeling it quite different, it isn't fear and a sinking sensation in my heart, but rather annoyance and frustration - of course, with me, when is it not annoyance and frustration), in my surgeon's keen and humourous way, it was made clear to me that this is no small thing. There is a 30% chance that what I am dealing with is cancer, and the Radiologist is not an extra cautious gal, sending people to their surgeons willy nilly, but rather the opposite, and so on Feb 24th (the day after my dear friend, Lisa's, birthday, and the day before my mother's birthday, sorry darlings, there were no choices) I am having local freezing, and day surgery at Cancer World. I arrive at the hospital at 7:20am, have the fine wire (to guide the surgeon's blade to the precise spot, since the calcifications are so small and hard to find) inserted under ultrasound guidance at 8:20am, and surgery starts at 8:30am (not sure when they freeze me, or when then knock me out, because knock me out they must). I should be home by noon. I will take a week or so to recover at home. I should get test results back in a week, I am guessing March 6th or 7th, which I expect to be all clear (I guess the people at Cancer World need a second round of Signy, to really learn their lessons, because certainly, I don't need a second round of them).

So that is the information, but how am I feeling? As my grandmother would say of this situation, "It's a dirty trick". I couldn't agree more. I feel overwhelmed and annoyed, I feel scared of surgery and sad to put my body through it. I am sure you can picture it. And, as always, I will pull out of those feeling and attack this new challenge with passion, fire, and a dash of irreverence.

In this moment I am not totally clear about what support I need (apart from the perpetual request for prayers and loving thoughts, before - for sanity, during - for the clear minds and steady hands of my health care team, and after - for patience and faith as I await the results, due a week after surgery). For the away team, cards, counting the ways you love me are always welcome (not sure if I want this because I am about to go in for surgery, or just because I love being loved). For the home team, well you can always send cards too if the spirit moves you, and prayer goes without saying, and once I have a clearer idea of my concrete needs I will send up a flare and ask for help and we can take it from there.

To ease the process of things like sending up flares, information dissemination, etc. I have set up a blog. The site is This is where I intend to put updates as well as more lengthy postings outlining my journey and learning's along the way. Read what you want, leave the rest. There is room there for comments (set yourself as anonymous and then sign your name at the end if you don't have an account) at the bottom of postings. Please feel free to share your process or your love or whatever, or you can send me emails directly instead. But from here on in, this is where I will put info, rather than send out emails to everyone, so please check there if you want to learn what's up, what's next and what I need. It means you can be most current, with least hassle (does this mean I have entered the new era? Well, if there is one thing I have learned from Cancer, it is to use the technology that serves my best interest. So here I am, extrapolating my learning.)

As always, thank you so much for your ongoing love and support and I know that with you in my corner, everything will be ok!!!



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