Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The help I need


People really are so wonderful. They minute they hear that something is up, they lovingly offer, "Is there anything I can do to help. Really, anything." And I know they mean it, and I love them for it. So let me just say it now... THANK YOU!

And here is the challenge it creates. I have to figure out what I want and need help with. Damn. That could be the hardest part (well, there are those that say that asking is the hardest part, and thank Goddess that that is not true for me). That first moment of hearing bad news is so hard, so overwhelming, so confusing. And much as I long to think practically in that moment when people ask how they can help, well, truth is, I am usually in my feelings. Either in my feelings or trying hard not to be in my feelings.

So now, with a clearer (read: post feeling my feelings, not getting around my feelings) head, I offer up some ideas of what I need, and even perhaps the kinds of things that other people could need in these sorts of situations, were they able to quickly access their thoughts.

For me, and I know not everyone shares this need during this vulnerable time, I need company. Lots of company, before and after the surgery (like about at least a week to either side), and for those inclined to other plains, I will even take during the surgery. Being alone is not how I recover (well, being alone is not how I do anything, given the choice).

So what are the things that company can do to help me. Well, firstly, there are the things I need that might fall under the category of "Qualities", and which of them are needed and the amount of them I need varies depending on, well, who knows, but what I am saying is that these require feeling in and sensing the climate.

Here goes:
A) Distraction. Distraction from the many, crazy thoughts and fears that come and go.
B) Room/permission/encouragement to feel my feelings, as they come up. There are lots of them. They all want space. Sometimes what I need is someone to help me feel my feelings, to midwife them, so to speak. I still fall pray to wanting to think things to death (in some cases literally, it would seem), figure them out, be rational. It is other people reminding me that feelings are essential to creating the clear mindedness that helps me move to that clear mindedness.
C) Uplifting. This looks two different ways: Inspiration and Laughter.

Secondly, there are the activities, and there is plenty of room for different levels of involvement here.

1) Planning the surgery day and the recovery needs. I am not good at planning, not my skill set, so any help I can get, greatly appreciated.

2) Meals - preferably to have together, but I will also take a dairy free casserole any day of the week.

3) Walks - for exercise and to connect.

4) Exercise Buddies - for before surgery jogging, yoga, raquetball. For after, probably walks to begin with.

5) Food shopping - either with me or for me, depending on my mobility.

6) Someone to take me to and from the surgery (doesn't need to be the same person). And perhaps related to that, but also doesn't need to be, someone to sleep over the night before and the night after.

7) Fun Buddies - dancing, movies, plays, any of your creative ideas of fun.

8) Picking up perscriptions and such. Unless the planning people have gotten me so well lined up that I do that beforehand.

9) Sending inspiring pictures or poems to me to put on the blog.

10) A communications manager - for the days I can't deal with all the love pouring in (can you imagine?)

So there is it, for now. Please let me know, either by commenting or emailing me, if you can and want to help me in any of these ways. And know that just your prayers and love are more than enough. I appreciate every piece.

Blessings on you.


At 11:01 AM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sending prayers of love and faith to you signy. I would be honored to help out in any way(except perhaps anything to do with cooking... probably best if I stay away from that one, not exactly part of my skillset!)anywhere you need to go, or things to get, movies, walks, dinners, maybe we'll even try out the puzzle/quilting experiment :)
love love love

At 3:36 PM PST, Blogger Signy said...

Thank you, darling!

I will try to get organized enough to make use of this great offer.

Any takers to help me get organized?

At 4:49 PM PST, Blogger Lauren Bacon said...

I'm in for organizing! And am also happy to help with meals, food shopping, and/or going for walks.

Any thoughts on how you'd like to tackle the organizing? In person, by phone, email? In person seems the obvious choice, but I know we're both busy so let me know what works best for you...

At 7:50 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi my dear, thanks for your beautiful blog, and for being so clear about your needs so that we know what to do to help! I am available for the surgery. I teach starting at noon that day, but luckily you will be home resting by then :) I am also available at any time for company, but as you know it is more tricky if I have to come to your end. Hey I know, I could bring Maddy for visits! Also I would really like to do grocery shopping and drop the things off at your house.
love you
You are a strong woman
you are a story woman
you are a healer
your soul will never die

At 9:47 PM PST, Anonymous Scott said...

walks, i am good for walks...maybe some finger-painting too! (just came to me)

wow, i haven't finger-painted since i was...well...really young!

go firecracker go!


At 2:25 PM PST, Blogger emira said...

I'm in for meals, shopping, walks and I'm happy to do the driving to or from the day of. As am I happy to do the staying over with you the night before or after. Though I would need to come back to work for the afternoon of that day, so maybe I'm a better candidate for before and the drive to the appointment.

At 8:22 AM PST, Blogger Signy said...

Oh, you angels,

Looks like I will be doing a lot of walking and eating. FUN!

Thank you Lisa, for the reminder of who I am. And who She is. My soul will never die.

At 11:44 PM PST, Anonymous Fiona said...

I'm signing up for fun. Week before and after. Me and Deanna talked about movies & you.

Fun & feelings please!

love, me

At 1:05 PM PST, Blogger Signy said...

Yay! I am so well cared for. And cared about. And I love that you are talking amongst yourselves about supporting me.

Being a part of a community is some of what heals me!!!!!!!!!


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