Is This The Life I Fought So Hard For?

Something’s gotta give. And please let it not be my mind. I feel like a pack animal carrying the load of my life around. Which makes no sense because all of the things that I am up to are so great, and so fun and so exciting. But I don’t have the time to enjoy them. I barely have the time to breath. And while I like a bit of this crazy, busy thing, right now, it is getting in the way of living.

I am not even sure where to start the process of prioritizing. Do I want to focus on most urgent? Most fun? Most important? Most impactful? Most meaningful? Or should I just have a moratorium on new projects until September? And while a great idea, it does not solve my right now problem. No doubt this will be resolved, it always is, but this time I want to slow it down and look at it. Really notice what happens. In the hopes of making different choices in the future.

Here is some of the problem. This is not the life I fought so hard for. Mostly because I don’t know what that life is. I don’t know what that life looks like. I never took the time to envision it, to get clear on what I want (apart from fun and busy), to craft the space and hold the energy until I found it, or it found me, or something of the sort. That is something I want to work on now, but that is easier said than done. It is one more thing to put on my plate (now there is a set up). And frankly not easy to do as a self guided project without accountability to someone. So we shall see where it goes. What help I draw in. And where it takes me.