Within The Hour

I am within the hour of seeing my doctor. With each passing moment, my stomach gets queasier, my heart pounds harder and my thoughts get crazier. This is a very different experience than when I got diagnosed with cancer. That was so startling, so unexpected, so devastating. This (hopefully being me getting diagnosed with health, but that is not what my thoughts are saying right now) is so escalating, so nerve-racking, so very weighty. I feel heavy and tired and blundering. And yet my head is racing, and making stuff up and whirling. Like a dervish. Like my washing machine. Faster and faster, more and more pressure from the centrifugal force, pinning me against the wall of my mind; my hoping; my deepest, darkest fears; all of it. It seems more than a body should be able to take. And yet mine perseveres, persists, and endures. Brave, unsung hero. My dearest wish is that this day is a gentle one for you.