Sunday, March 12, 2006

Within The Hour

I am within the hour of seeing my doctor. With each passing moment, my stomach gets queasier, my heart pounds harder and my thoughts get crazier. This is a very different experience than when I got diagnosed with cancer. That was so startling, so unexpected, so devastating. This (hopefully being me getting diagnosed with health, but that is not what my thoughts are saying right now) is so escalating, so nerve-racking, so very weighty. I feel heavy and tired and blundering. And yet my head is racing, and making stuff up and whirling. Like a dervish. Like my washing machine. Faster and faster, more and more pressure from the centrifugal force, pinning me against the wall of my mind; my hoping; my deepest, darkest fears; all of it. It seems more than a body should be able to take. And yet mine perseveres, persists, and endures. Brave, unsung hero. My dearest wish is that this day is a gentle one for you.


At 1:57 PM PST, Anonymous Julie, Brad and Spencer said...

We are sending gentle thoughts your way. Please borrow our courage this afternoon.

At 2:05 PM PST, Anonymous Julie, Brad and Spencer said...

I'm having trouble finding the right words here, so let me simply write - we are thinking about you and sending our love. This beautifully written blog reminds me each day of your awesome (Truly. It fills me with awe.) strength and courage to be fearlessly true to yourself.

At 3:04 PM PST, Blogger CaliforniaB said...

Dearest Signy,
It is hardest to have these miles and time between us. I fly to you in heart and in spirit and hold you close. My prayers are with you. My love wraps round you with gentle whisper.... believe sig.... that the prayers and love of all who hold you precious will support you ...... strengthening you... care for you. You are not alone.
ALways yours Barbara-

At 5:11 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm doing the frickin Snoopy Dance right now!!!! WOOOOOOOOHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! The timing of your phone call back was magical...I was just reading about the power of laughter to heal only to pick up the phone and hear you laughing - the sound of that was like a healing elixer....

And now here come the tears.....such joy!


At 7:58 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Life is sweet.....God is good and tonight all is well in the world! I am thrilled.... tickled.... estatic..... that the news is what it is!
Celebrate my dear Sig.... and know that we all celebrate with you.
I had placed so many calls to god ... that I heard he had taken the phone off the hook..... glad all is well. Sweet dreams dear signy! w/love and gratitude Barbara


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