Sunday, February 19, 2006


There is a ton of waiting involved in this medical dance. Waiting for surgery, waiting for results, waiting to talk to doctors, etc. And unfortunately, I HATE waiting. Hate it with a passion. Intense passion. I won’t wait in lines, won’t wait patiently in traffic jams. I would rather be late, rather miss an appointment, rather chew through my own arm than have to wait. I traveled through New Zealand with a friend some number of years ago now, and we used to laugh at ourselves, because she couldn’t stand rain (which I am quite ok with) and I couldn’t stand waiting (which she asserts she doesn’t mind a whit) and the number of hours we spent waiting, in the rain was comical. And probably doubly comical for her watching my face turn a great number of shades of red and purple with sheer fury. So what an exciting lesson is this!?!?

So a couple of thoughts sprout off from this branch of the tree.

How do we become ok with the things we hate? Do you just sit in it long enough until you’re good and sick of it and stop doing it? Seems a little simple (or is it just that I like my life complex?). At the Coaches Training Institute, in one of the courses I teach, we take a look at “What is the thing you can’t be with?” and really open up a space to explore how it holds us back, what it is costing us, what it gives us, and letting ourselves deeply feel into whatever is there. There seems a bit of a metamorphosis, a magic that happens when we stay down at the bottom of the cold, dark well with our crap for long enough. There is something about the “for long enough” part of it though. It is too easy to touch it lightly and run triumphant, declaring the deed done. Instead really being there until IT is done, not until when we conceive it should be done. This takes a lot of courage. And often reveals something different than what we expected. Perhaps it is time for me to enter “waiting” into my front-runners for the next exploration.

How do we pass the time, the time of waiting for the thing we want, or the thing we don’t want as in my case here? How to we engage our minds; keep ourselves occupied. Some go the “think good thoughts” route (picture the best possible outcome), some the other end of the continuum (What’s the worst thing that could happen, so anything less is good news). Body type that I am, I tend to engage my mind by engaging my body (this is not to say that I distract myself by having wild and crazy sex, although that might not be a bad idea). You have already heard the not so useful ways, getting busy, DOING until I explode, dashing from one activity to another. So what ways work well for me? Exercise. Stretching. Yoga. Breathing. Getting aggression and anger OUT. Dancing. Laughing. Movement or the opposite of that with sitting very, very still, but doing so consciously.

What works for you?


At 6:33 AM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know Signy, it is this thing (amoung so many others) about you that is so inspiring. Here you are writing - provoking and inspiring us through the writing you do while waiting. I am filled with awe that you continue to give and give and give and give some more. Wow. You rock!
Lots of love and many prayers, Dawn in Calgary.

At 9:53 AM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Run For Life

It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete

I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning the lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all


And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more

- Melissa Etheridge -

I'm running for you my dear!!! We are all running for you.

At 9:54 AM PST, Blogger Signy said...


So great to hear from you! Thanks for checking in, and weighing in.

The great thing about this kind of giving is that it doesn't cost me anything. In fact, it fills me, to get to share my journey, and have it impact people, that is what fills my heart and keeps me going. So thank you for being there to receive, appreciate and get value from it. That keeps me going.

At 9:59 AM PST, Blogger Signy said...

Oh, hello Terry, we must have been writing at the same time.

I haven't actually seen the lyric for Melissa's song written. Brings tears to these presently wide and frightened eyes.

You always know how to help me remember. And this is not about me. It never has been.

Thank you for bringing more interaction to this blog, it makes it more alive and more real for me. It wakes me up (and you know how much I love waking up!!).

XOXO right back at you.

At 9:14 AM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This song is amazing, and I had never heard it. Thanks!


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